The Journey

After several days of intense preparation I locked the house, got into my car and began my journey 'home' to Wisconsin to visit loved ones. A quick stop at the gas station was first on my agenda. Coming out of the station I realized my keys were in the locked car with the motor running. Oy Vay! Calmly reaching for the spare set in my purse, I took myself by the shoulders and thought loudly, "Not a good start, Bonney! You better clear your thoughts and focus from here on!" Feeling justly scolded, I was again on my way.

Semi-truck traffic was thicker than bees on a hive. Lots of buzzing, very little movement and way too much crossing over one another to get past a slow mover. As hills began undulating in all shades of green I became mesmerized with the beauty I so often overlook living a suburban existence. Spring born calves, sheep and horses moved sprightly amidst their older relatives. Farm signs tugged at me with their invitation to purchase fresh asparagus or rhubarb. The enticement slid my mind into memories of childhood kitchens and the domestic joys of gardens and cooking for my own family. I visualized the fruit cellar when I was eight, shelves stacked four high reflecting every color of mom's canned fruit and vegetables ready for winter consumption. The second visual is of my full-sized freezer while raising my own family holding the treasures of my hands.

After a few miles of mind travel I paused to ask myself WHERE are you? It's amazing (and frightening) to realize you can travel parallel existences in your mind and your body simultaneously. "Road sign, road sign, try to find a road sign that tells me where I am, what I've passed and what lies ahead! Ahh, something familiar, I'm on track again." But then I realize I've chosen to take a different connecting highway than in the past and I hadn't checked a map before traveling to see WHERE it connected. Oh, well, I was feeling confidant (smug) that I could trust my inner voice to show me the way. But when I began sensing I was in a flowing river of cars without my wheels touching the road, my uncertainty leaped to the top of the anxiety scale.

Taking the next exit I pulled into a gas station for directions, being careful to notlock my keys in the car again. The clerk said I was five miles past my exit but by following the local shortcut, could get back without losing any time. Whew! Strike three??

When beauty turned to tedium and every town looked like the last one, I was ready to ARRIVE and not be traveling anymore. After 5 1/2 hours of driving I accepted my own conclusion. Phoning the host awaiting my arrival I explained I just couldn't push any harder and needed to stop. I was clearly going to be later than anticipated.
Ordering a ham slice and mashed potato dinner at the restaurant my in-laws used to frequent every Friday night, I finally brought body, mind and spirit together.

In most of my life's experience, it's the getting there that's been difficult. Once I arrive I'm fully present and fully engaged. I don't know why I think I can journey without a map. And yet, not having a precise path, direction, timeline to guide me is what has added so much spontaneity and joy to my days. Traveling alone is a condition to which I've become accustomed. While it's often lonely, it's also what allows me freedom of movement and freedom from expectation and judgment. This travel back 'home' is what helps me arrive at my REAL home. That comfortable place within that lets me know that I am the author of my destiny and the CEO of my own life.

What is your journey teaching you?