All My Life's a Circle

I stepped into a circle of lonely last week. Recognizable by the suction pulling me downward with the same power of my red childhood boots being sucked into spring mud. The more I longed to move on the deeper I was drawn into helplessness. I wanted to lay down, pull my purple comforter over my head and disappear. "If you stepped in, you've got to be able to step out," came Wisdom's voice. "If loneliness is a circle of dark energy, there are other bright energy circles available. Like the Twister game, it may be awkward, but you can get there from here."

After a trip to the greenhouse to smell the flowers, a chapter read in a book that transported me to another time and place and a food treat to soothe my body, I had moved on. The dark circle barely a shadow of memory.

Another circle presented itself this week with my step into Facebook. Not only did I not realize how vast and fast was this web of connection, I also did not realize it held a place for me. Former school friends, both high school and college, colleagues from several work incarnations, students from past classes, and those I've met briefly and deeply at the same time were just waiting to be invited to re-meet me. ( I know it's not a word, but I'm a writer, I'm allowed to make them up.)

Full circle? More like a constant coil or open ended Slinky, moving out, crossing over, coming back at a different level of engagement each time. It makes sense. The earth we inhabit is a circle. The Spirit that births and rebirths us crosses like a figure 8 renewing all at its center. Our hearts pump blood in a 'circle'. Our breathing comes in, changes us and moves out.

I have a special affinity for Harry Chapin's lyrics from All My Life's a Circle that adds passion to this concept.

"All my life's a circle
Sunrise and sundown.
Moon rolls through the nighttime
'Til the daybreak comes around.

Seems like I've been here before
Can't remember when;
But I have this funny feeling
That we'll all be together again.

No straight lines make up my life
And all my roads have bends.
There's no clear cut beginnings
And so far no dead ends."

Roll on sweet circle of Life, roll on. And thanks to all who have gone the distance with me.